My song Mild Epiphanies is a reflection of a journey that I’ve been taking over the past year fighting depression. I tried to cover up a lot of things that I needed to change by working harder at school, but it became harder and harder to function each day. I was frequently waking up at 5 after going to bed after midnight. I woke up sad, and sometimes struggled to get through conversations or performances.
I started changing a lot of little things about my life. I started going to a counselor who taught me about the power of going through sadness, rather than being ashamed of it. I cried a lot, especially when I was playing music. I learned how to make sleep a priority and grew fond of saying, “I take my teeth out at 10.”
I learned how to talk through the issues that I had with other people. I didn’t tell every person I met about fighting depression, but I learned how to tell some people.
Small things can lead to huge growth. I had to learn a lot of small things in my life, and it was easy to get discouraged by the feeling that I wasn’t good enough to get things right the first time.
I had to learn that:
1. My worth comes only from God, not from any work I do.
2. Little steps are often how God works in us to change us.
Mild Epiphanies is about growing through the little things, and embracing the feeling of finding something to change rather than revolt against it. It’s the beginning of a series I’m writing on how I’m growing and lessons I’m learning.
Thanks for joining my journey, I’m looking forward to sharing more things with you soon.
I found Kyle Beilfield when I was looking for a song written from the lyrics of Robert Frost’s poem “Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening.” I loved Kyle’s version of the song, so I looked him up and discovered his album Stopping By.
I found his cover of the song “Change Partners” (written by Irving Berlin). The lyrics are clever and fun, and Kyle’s singing reflects that attitude well. It sounds loose and relaxed, without being sloppy.
My favorite song of his that I’ve heard is “Dream with Me.” His voices comes together nicely with the piano and the cello, making the song bittersweet and lovely.
I like Kyle’s voice because his singing is smooth and pleasant, but also reflects the emotion in the songs he sings. He sounds “right” singing “Dream with Me,” which is sad and soaring, but he sounds just as good singing “Change Partners,” which is upbeat.
If you want to hear more from Kyle Bielfield, I recommend “Snake.”
This has been harder to write than I thought. I thought that since I had so much to say, saying it would be easy. I was wrong. Even so, I will try.
When I first came to lessons, I didn’t speak much. I didn’t even want to come to them, because I was scared of new things. Over time, however, I started loving lessons, instead of dreading them. My passion for piano grew and overshadowed many things in my life. I spent hours practicing, stressing over pieces, and loving the panic. When we took a break from piano lessons, I expected to miss the music, which I expected. I found myself missing you too, which I didn’t expect. Our break wasn’t long, but I realized that I loved music lessons not just because of music, but because of your attitude.
You have a contagious outlook towards life. I almost always left my lesson encouraged, not only about practicing, but about my family, my relationships with other people, and other skills I was learning. You were patient with me when my practicing wasn’t sufficient, and with many I-didn’t-practice-enough-please-forgive-me tears. You helped me when I decided to try something new, like teaching students or arranging mashups. You encouraged me when I started playing music with other people (which eventually led to talking to people). You are far more than “just a music teacher.”
Thank you for being kind and encouraging. I thought that this would be an easy post to write, because I could spend hours writing about your good qualities. I love being around you. You inspire me. Your house is one of my favorite places to be, because you are there. I didn’t realize that the hardest part is deciding what not to say, because I have much to say about you, and only a short post to say it. You have shaped me so as a musician and as a person that I don’t know what my life would look like without you. You are a huge part of my life, and I hope that I know you for a long time.