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I Don’t Know Who I Am

18 May 16
Anne Russell
2 comments

Two weeks ago, I was anxious. I realized that I didn’t know how to act around people. When I watched others, each one seemed to have a personality: one was clever; another was friendly; another, mysterious. My most comfortable friends were just themselves. I decided to do the same. I saw one barrier: I didn’t know myself. Was I exciting? Funny? Dark? I started trying different behaviors and analyzing which ones “felt natural” or made people like me. None of my forced personalities fit. I didn’t make people like me more. My close friends were mostly confused or annoyed by my weird mood swings.
When I couldn’t find myself, I started praying: “God, please help me discover who I am.” I didn’t stop to hear the Lord’s answer, I tried more personalities. I confused myself more; I confused my friends more; I prayed more. I was anxious when I was around people, depressed when I was alone, and tired of trying.
This Saturday, I stopped trying and started listening. I sat in silence for a while, listening for the Lord. Here is what He said to me: “Stop trying to find yourself. You are mine, so find Me, and follow My commands.” I suddenly realized my foolishness. I had been self-centered instead of God-centered. Now my social life is transformed. I don’t need to ask “what would Anne Mary do?”, but rather, “what would God have me do?”

I know who I am. And now, I can stop caring.

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2 Comments

  1. Colin May 20, 2016 at 3:39 am Reply

    This is so beautifully written.
    It is remembering the lesson you’ve learned that is quite hard, though. If only we needed to learn things just once!

  2. Sarah Vesk May 20, 2016 at 11:16 pm Reply

    Beautiful message.

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